At the beginning of 2023, we replaced our existing Paternity Leave policies with Partner Leave policies, which are open to same sex parents as well as heterosexual parents, allowing more families to enjoy valuable time together.
Ross Sansom-Parnell and his husband Tony are both in the process of adopting their little boy who’s six years old. Thanks to our fully inclusive Partner Leave policy, Ross was able to take six months away from work to bond with his son whilst helping him to adapt to his new life with his new family.
“Our adoption journey has been a bumpy ride”, explains Ross, who has been back at work for three months since returning from Partner Leave.
“It has taken a long time for us – three years in total from the beginning until our son finally moved in with us. Much of the process took longer due to the Covid pandemic, with delays to things like home visits from social workers, and then there were many times we missed out on children for various reasons.”
Their little boy has finally settled into his new home
We couldn’t have done it without Partner Leave. It’s been the best thing that I’ve ever seen the bank do.
“Partner Leave allowed me the time to fully concentrate on our son. We were very lucky that I could take it and my husband could take five months adoption leave through his workplace. It meant we could both be off and be together as a family from day one.
“We had eight weeks before he started school where we were at home doing activities and going out as a family. He’s been through such a lot in his little life, so that time to bond was so important. It gave us time to settle him into our house and make sure his room was right for him.
Able to create a magical Christmas
“Our first Christmas together was very special, because it wasn’t just Christmas Day. We had a Christmas fortnight! We went to see Santa for breakfast on a weekday so that it wasn’t overcrowded, which was particularly good for our son. We went to see reindeer and light shows. It just allowed us to do a lot more around Christmas than we could have ever done if we were working, and it was magical. Christmas and his birthday are within a month of each other, so the whole thing was great because we could really celebrate.”
Ross’s most treasured moment
“My favourite memory – it was the first time he called me ‘Daddy’, instead of Ross. That’s a special moment. That’s a turning point, right? That’s him saying ‘Okay. I love you and trust you now. And I see that you’re gonna be there for me forever’. He of course still calls us Ross and Tony, especially if we’re telling him off.
“It’s been more challenging now with both of us back at work, trying to find that balance. He’s our priority now though, so the focus is on him.”
Trusting the process
The process to adopt is thorough to ensure that the children, whose needs can be incredibly complex, are matched to a family who can meet those needs.
“Firstly, there’re eight weeks of training to get you ready for the process, before you put in an application”, Ross explains. “You then have a home study conducted on you lasting several months, followed by detailed background, financial and medical checks.
“And that’s all before you start the process of being matched with children, where there’s further home visits and you go in front of a linking panel who will read all the reports and if they’re happy, that’s when you get to start meeting the child. At first, you’ll go to the park, and ‘bump into them’ where the foster carer pretends to be your friend, and you play with the child. And then, if that goes okay, you go to a further panel where they’ll ask you questions and vote.
“Once that happens you spend more and more time with the child until you get to the children’s panel who decide if the child can move to your address, and as soon as that’s happened, you have seven days to move the child. Once they move in with you there’s a further period before you can apply to adopt them.”
How Partner Leave impacted their application to adopt
“It made the social workers feel more comfortable, because our son got that focus for six months and they knew it would allow us the time to go to meetings with the school and with social workers.”
Balancing work and family
“My husband went back to work a couple of months before me, and I was still off so that was great because I could just concentrate on our little boy. It’s been more challenging now with both of us back at work, trying to find that balance. He’s our priority now though, so the focus is on him.
“While I was away from work, I was extremely nervous about what could change, but it’s been easy to come back. Everyone in my team was great, especially my management making sure I was not overloaded, and I came back at the right pace.
“We couldn’t have done it without Partner Leave. It’s been the best thing that I’ve ever seen the bank do. It opens the door for people who are thinking about adoption. So, what I’d say to others is – it changes your life. If you’re adopting a child, it means that you get quality time with them. Just take it. It’s there. Don’t be scared about what’s going to change in the bank, just take the time and enjoy the time with your child.”
